He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
