I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
