Just cropdusted the office
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
