He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
