you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
