Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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