my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
she peed on how many people?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
