I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
