I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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