My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Randomize
