I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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