Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
