I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
