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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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