Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
