Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
