sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
NoShamevember. You game?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
