well you can't waste a boner
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
