You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
