just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
