My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
