Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
