I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
