The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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