Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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