Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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