As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
