You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
