please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
