so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Randomize
