i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
