Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
one two three fourrrrnication!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
