Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
as a side note pls kill me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
