So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
