I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
