What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
