if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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