you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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