so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
