Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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