You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
