well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
