I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I only lived at night.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
