yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
