Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
