i may or may not be watching the land before time
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
