That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
