in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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