remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
