This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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