He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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