i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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