i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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