4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
