i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
